The difference in talking between sexes

An idea was sparked in the last blog, and something happened today that made me think I should push things a little further.

For the longest time, my girlfriend has asked that I not take any part in her driving. She doesn't want me to see her drive, doesn't want me to hear her drive and doesn't want me around if she is to drive. She just got her liscence and she's got some phobias about driving and has been having them for quite a bit. The whole concept frightens her to some extent and the last thing she wants is somebody like me judging her even if I am not to voice my opinion. On top of that, now she's stuck having a standard car which makes driving an even harder task.

Basically, what happened is that with all the times she's expressed her dissaproval of me as much as watching her drive, it turns out I did. I was standing in the main hallway of her house and out of the corner of my eye, through the half-impossible-to-see-through-front-door-window and from an awkward angle I happened to have seen her drive. I was discussing a few things with her mom, and she had specifically told me not to look or be near a window. When she found out, she was extremely angry and stayed angry for the whole day.

So, here comes the communication part I wish to discuss, now that the situation is properly explained. (I hope)

From a guy's perspective, me, the incident of it's own is one big prank/joke. I personally didn't find anything wrong with what happened. Other then the fact that I did see her drive, and I had made it very clear that sooner or later I was going to see her drive. So it seemed like the inevitable happened. That the situation was the reason for her anger. That it shouldn't be such a hard thing to fix. A simple encouragement and pat on the back telling her she had done good and there was nothing to worry about when it came to her driving, to me, felt like a fix. After a few minutes, the problem would go away.

Guys seem to see the situation that's present. That's how we go about things. We do have long term goals, and we do like to think of the future, but we do it one event at a time.

Her perspective was completely different.

Women see things on a larger scale then we do. The reason why she was angry for the rest of the day had nothing to do with the situation itself, as I had forseen it. She was angry because I had disobeyed something she had vocalized many times. I had not done what I was asked, something simple. She was worried that on a larger scale, I would simply never do what she asked me to do. Such an event seemed to have taken away her security.

Why do so many couples break up? Because they fell to identify these things. She was mad and shut down for most of the day, whereas I was already putting the incident behind me. Of course, we discussed it in full details as I wouldn't be able to write her perspective on this blog. Yet, I do find it interesting to see this amazing contrast between both sexe's.

Communication comes on different scales. It certainly isn't the same for men and women. Certainly worth a good study and a look on my part. Could learn a thing or two, I know it would certainly not change the way I think, but it would help me comprehend the impact on things a bit more.


At 3/12/05 12:47 PM, Blogger Portelance said...

This is the funniest story that I've heard in a while. I can't even begin to see from her perspective why you seeing her driving would be such a problem. Obviously she's afraid of being judged. It's not like you wanted to watch her take a shit through the window or something. "Whatever you do...don't watch me eat. It's just....whenever I'm eating I want you to look at the wall. I'm just not comfortable with it. I'm very self-conscious about my eating skills and I don't want you to criticize them."


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